“Now the story of a crazy family who sold everything, and the one bus who had no choice but to house them together.  It’s 5 Novaks and a Bus.”

Those of you who are fans of the Bluth family, their banana stand, their fledgling construction company, and their hopeless chicken impressions will recognize the line above as near plagiarism.  We are major fans of the show Arrested Development that ran on Fox from 2003-2006 which you can now watch on Netflix whenever your heart desires.  An activity we do often.  It just doesn’t get old.  In fact, one of the reasons we nominated Buster for our RV’s name is because of this show and the youngest Bluth of the same name with his mommy issues and love for juice.  Here’s hoping we don’t blow out the front left tire…. Because then he’ll be all right.  AD fans, you know what I’m talking about.

One of the funniest recurring jokes of the series is when the eldest son, Gob, regrets a decision he’s made and says, “I’ve Made A Huge Mistake”.  I know it doesn’t sound that funny but, trust me, it is.

This is a sentiment that Gob and I have shared as of late.  Let me explain… We had this amazing idea to sell our house and travel the country in our RV!  The idea was exciting, larger than life, and out of the ordinary.  We couldn’t stop talking about it and we eventually ran full speed ahead into this goal.  And then something strange happened.  It all became so very REAL.  We started purging our things and deciding what was to stay and what was to go.  REAL.  We went to a homeschooling convention where people had 17 children and their 12 year olds were established authors.  REAL.  We moved all of our clutter from room to room to take pictures of what looked like a near perfect house and listed it for sale.  REAL.  We told the people that we work with that we’d be taking a small leave of absence.  REAL.  Well, needless to say, it makes a girl think.

Think about all the things we’ve given away, gotten rid of, or sold.  What if we need those things again?  The picture frames, the bedding, the toys, those particular items that were especially hard to decide what to do with that eventually ended up in the get-rid-of pile.  I’ve come to find that I can be bit a sentimental.  And while I know that some of these things were not needed, some of them did hold tiny little places in my heart.  But I had to say goodbye.

I’ve made a huge mistake.

Think about being the sole provider of our children’s academia.  Gulp.  Removing them from the amazing school district they belonged to was no easy task.  It’s been amazing to see how much they’ve grown over the past school year and I have this pang in the pit of my stomach that I will fail miserably and that they will be no better off than they were at the beginning of the year.  And worse yet…. that the district will make them repeat a grade!!  Double gulp.  And will I be able to have the discipline it takes to keep a teaching schedule?  And the patience to teach when the kids are lacking focus or arguing about doing a lesson?  I don’t know if I can do this.

I’ve made a huge mistake.

Think about the beautiful house that we’ve made into a home over the past four years.  We were so grateful to have the opportunity to build our own home in a beautiful neighborhood.  We have great neighbors who we’ve gotten to know through our church community group.  One of the kids’ best friends lives just across the street.  It’s comfortable.  It’s familiar.  It’s where we brought home Novak #5 from the hospital.  It’s home.  Are we being ungrateful to just give it all up so casually for this crazy journey we find ourselves on?  Are we going to regret not having this home to come back to?

I’ve made a huge mistake.

Think about our jobs that we’ve been establishing for the past ten years.  Zac has made so many contacts and so many relationships with his business.  Will his clients still be there when we return?  And I just downright LOVE my job.  I get to use my passions and teach kids that I love about Jesus and how much he loves them.  I feel so privileged to be able to use what I love for ministry.  Will I be able to waltz back in a get a job back?  Will they find someone better than me to fill my shoes?

I’ve made a huge mistake.

I feel ya, Gob.

But I’ve been reminded of two very important things over the past few days.

For one, life is precious and short.  If I found out tomorrow that I only had one year left on this earth, taking this trip with my family is exactly what I would choose to do.  And we aren’t even guaranteed tomorrow.  Hopefully this wild ride that we are about to take will both bring us closer as a family and we will be able to shine a little bit of light across the country whenever possible.  And even if the entire thing is a complete disaster, at least we can say we did it and we’ll never wonder “what if?”.

And secondly: All of the second guessing, all of the doubt, all of those queasy feelings that rise up in the pit of my stomach.  They all serve as unique opportunities.  I asked my mother-in-law, who has had her fair share of jumping in feet first to big adventures, if she ever felt scared and uneasy about the big plans and decisions they’d made.  And she reminded me that if we didn’t have those feelings, there would be no room to lean on and fully rely on God.  Yes, this choice we’ve made is exciting and fresh and new.  But I’m also scared.  And I won’t be able to do any of this without my Savior.  When those feelings rise up, I will turn to Him.

So, no.  No, Gob Bluth!  I have NOT made a huge mistake!  Because as scary as it may be, this journey is ultimately bound to bring us closer as a family and closer to Christ.

FULL STEAM AHEAD!